I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
