Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
