"it" just moved
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
