i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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