My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
