I forgot how hot balto sounded
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
