so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
