her facebook's as public as her vagina
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
