Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize