The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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