Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
