before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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