dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
