She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
