just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
