Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have demons in me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Randomize
