i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
