life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
