You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i've created a new STD.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
