i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
