we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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