I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
