she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
