I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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