My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
