HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
