real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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