I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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