if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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