When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
