A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
