The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
