the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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