I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
