he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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