he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
