obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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