I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
