And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
