I can text with my tongue
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
