I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
