ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
