Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
