My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
