If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
