hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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