Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We have started to decorate penises.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
