Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sext me about skeletons
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize