i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
