Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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