I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
