I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
