they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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