One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize