Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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