Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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