i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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