She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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