I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
