Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
