Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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