You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize