He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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