My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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