the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
