you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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