Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
