Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They took my balls.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
