Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
