if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
