I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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