So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
