Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
