My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
