I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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